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As the Supreme Court heard arguments for and against the Chicago gun ban, this Marine offered a letter that places the proper perspective on what a gun means to a civilized society. Interesting take and one you don’t hear much. . . . . . Read this eloquent and profound letter and pay close attention to the last paragraph of the letter…. “The Gun Is Civilization” by Maj. L. Caudill USMC (Ret) Human beings only have two ways to deal with one another: reason  and force.  If you want me to do something for you, you have a choice of either convincing me via argument, or force me to do your bidding under threat of force.  Every human interaction falls into one of those two categories, without exception.  Reason or force, that’s it. In a truly moral and civilized society, people exclusively interact through persuasion. Force has no place as a valid method of social interaction and the only thing that removes force from the menu is the personal firearm, as paradoxical as it may sound to some. When I carry a gun, you cannot deal with me by force. You have to use reason and try to persuade me, because I have a way to negate your threat or employment of force. The gun is the only personal weapon that puts a 100-pound woman on equal footing with a 220-pound mugger, a 75-year old retiree on equal footing with a 19-year old gang banger, and a single guy on equal footing with a carload of drunken guys with baseball bats.  The gun removes the disparity in physical strength, size, or numbers between a potential attacker and a defender. There are plenty of people who consider the gun as the source of bad force equations.  These are the people who think that we’d be more civilized if all guns were removed from society, because a firearm makes it easier for an [armed] mugger to do his job. That, of course, is only true if the mugger’s potential victims are mostly disarmed either by choice or by legislative fiat–it has no validity when most of a mugger’s potential marks are armed. People who argue for the banning of arms ask for automatic rule by the young, the strong, and the many, and that’s the exact opposite of a civilized society.  A mugger, even an armed one, can only make a successful living in a society where the state has granted him a force monopoly. Then there’s the argument that the gun makes confrontations lethal that otherwise would only result in injury.  This argument is fallacious in several ways. Without guns involved, confrontations are won by the physically superior party inflicting overwhelming injury on the loser. People who think that fists, bats, sticks, or stones don’t constitute lethal force, watch too much TV, where people take beatings and come out of it with a bloody lip at worst.  The fact that the gun makes lethal force easier works solely in favor of the weaker defender, not the stronger attacker.  If both are armed, the field is level. The gun is the only weapon that’s as lethal in the hands of an octogenarian as it is in the hands of a weight lifter.  It simply wouldn’t work as well as a force equalizer if it wasn’t both lethal and easily employable. When I carry a gun, I don’t do so because I am looking for a fight, but because I’m looking to be left alone. The gun at my side means that I cannot be forced, only persuaded.  I don’t carry it because I’m afraid, but because it enables me to be unafraid.  It doesn’t limit the actions of those who would interact with me through reason, only the actions of those who would do so by force.  It removes force from the equation… and that’s why carrying a gun is a civilized act. By Maj. L. Caudill USMC (Ret.) So, the greatest civilization is one where all citizens are equally armed and can only be persuaded, never forced.

Love — there are many definitions of love – but this is one of my favorite – “Love is accepting someone just the way they are without trying to change or improve them.” I completely agree – if you don’t love the person for who the are – then its not love. People do not change – so, getting into a relationship and especially considering marriage with a person that you want to change is an exercise in futility. Another one of my favorite ideas is that you should love a person – faults and all. We all have “faults” and shortcomings etc – but they are all a part of who we are as a person.

I’ve always said that the people I loved the most have always been friends first and often friends after we broke up – although not right after we broke up That leads into the main ingredients of love – they include:

1. Friendship
2. Trust
3. Respect
4. Passion
5. Communication

Something I’ve also said many times is that it is hard to love someone else and to accept their love – when you don’t love yourself. That isn’t a selfish love – but a healthy self love.

Letting go of the past is another important element of a healthy loving relationship. In order to enter into a new relationship — we have to let go of the past. We need to be brutally honest with ourselves to determine why a relationship didn’t work out – and then look for any patterns in past relationships.

There are six types of love – do you know the names and what each means? Do you know that some combinations are healthy and some are disastrous? This course outlines the full description of each type of love, which kinds of love are a good match and which ones are not — it gives new meaning to the idea that just being “in love” is enough to make a good relationship.

These are some sections in Loveology University’s Course on Love -

• Definition of Love

• Ingredients of Love

• Letting Go Of The Past

• Rejection

• Forgiveness

• Finding Everlasting Love

• Flirting

• Communicating Love

• Types of Love

• Intimacy + Passion

• Love vs. Lust

• Love Around the House

• How To Love A Woman

• How To Love A Man

• Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

This Course Is For You If: You want to Learn the 5 Ingredients of Love You want to Find and Keep Everlasting Love You want to Know How to Love A Woman versus a Man You want to Know the Difference Between Love and Lust Welcome to Loveology University’s Love Certification Course. Who else offers a certification on a course as valuable as love? In this course you’ll learn about the history of love, the different kinds of love and how to get the love you need. From self-love, romantic love to passionate love, this course offers groundbreaking techniques to make your life a loving one. You’ll learn about the 5 essential ingredients to finding love, 12 keys to keeping love, how to love a woman verses how to love a man and some fascinating statistics on love around the world. So if you want more love in your life, start by becoming certified in LU’s course on love.

For more information, click here.

When I do interviews – one of the most popular topics is oral sex, for men and women. The funniest interview was with a man (I’ll keep his name to myself) who said he simply refuses to give his wife oral sex. However, he expect her to give him oral sex. Earlier that week, a friend sent me the link to a video about men who expect oral sex and prefer their woman swallow but they refuse to kiss her after. That is a whole other topic — but that was fresh on my mind when this host told me that. So, I gave him a very hard time about his behavior and his refusal to please his wife orally. She was in the background and it seemed that she appreciated me taking up for her

Do you want to understand more about oral sex? Do you want to learn how to give mind blowing oral sex? Does your partner want more oral sex, but you’re not confident about your skills? Then you need this study at home course from Loveology University. You will not believe the details that are included.   The course covers male and female oral sex details, some history of oral sex, and much more.

These are some of the topics in the Oral Sex Course -

• Webster’s Definition of Oral Sex, Cunnilingus & Fellatio

• What Oral Sex Is  & What Oral Sex Is Not

• Slang Words – Cunnilingus, Vagina, Fellatio & Penis

• Oral Sex Myths

• Oral Sex and Women  & Oral Sex and Men

• Getting Your Lover to Go Down

• How to Put a Condom on With Your Mouth

• Techniques for His Pleasure  & Techniques for Her Pleasure

• Tongue Workout

• Oral Sex Positions  – Male with Female, Female with Female & Male with Male

• Sexy Oral Games

• Common Oral Sex Mistakes

• Oral Sex and Your Health

• Safer Oral Sex  & Oral Sex Concerns

There is information about to clear up common myths and misconceptions about oral sex. Much detail is included about the various body parts in the genital area – their name, their location and their functions.  And of course there are plenty of tips, techniques and much more – including intructions on how to put a condom on with the mouth.

This is the official listing for the course -

This Course Is For You If:

• You want to Learn Dozens of New Oral Sex Techniques
• You want to Avoid Common Oral Sex Mistakes
• You want to Know How to Get Your Lover to Go Down on You
• You want to Discover Advanced Oral Sex Positions

For full details -

https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/ShortCourseDetails.aspx?CourseID=25

Sometimes actions speak louder than words, but there are times when words are important too. In a relationship, each partner wants and needs verbal assurance of their partner’s love. Saying I love you and expressing how much important your partner is to you is one of the best ways to assure your partner. So, on Valentine’s Day, lovers should not miss an great opportunity to say something nice to a person he or she loves.

You might have heard these worn out phrases:

• You are the love of my life
• You are my only true love
• I cannot live without you

But why not try some new and different. For instance, 1 Corinthians tells us that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not envy, it is not proud…”

If you want literary pieces, there is this quotable Shakespeare. Listed below are lines from varying literary pieces of Shakespeare:

• Love is not love that alters when alteration finds

• Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind

• All days are nights to see till I see thee, And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me

You may prefer philosopher giants like Socrates, Aristotle and Thoreau. They too are often quoted when they describe the feeling of love.

• The hottest love has the coldest end –Socrates

• Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies –Aristotle

• There is no remedy to love but to love more –Thoreau

Religious icons such as St. Augustine and Mother Teresa have a lot to say about love.

• Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all –St. Augustine

• If you judge people, you have no time to love them –Mother Teresa

Love quotes can also be culled from novels, plays and poems like the one from Les Miserables: To love another person is to see the face of God.

Charles Dickens in one of his novels wrote, “Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart.” Meanwhile, Charlie Brown wrote, “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” Here are some well-known quotes from writers:

• Love is the true means by which the world is enjoyed: our love to others, and others’ love to us.” –Thomas Trahern.

• True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away.” – Alicia Barnhart

• “The Eskimos have 52 words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love!” – Margaret Atwood

• Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; and every little absence is an age.” –John Dryden.

Indeed, these quotes are beautiful to hear on Valentine’s Day. However, lovers should not forget that you could never go wrong with real words coming from the heart.

I was planning to write an article about unigasms, bigasms and trigasms, but this article has all the details and Dr Ava did a wonderful job with her instructions, so I’ll share her information with you. Even if you try these techniques and you don’t get it right the first time, remember what Dr Ava says — Practice, practice, practice….

The Big “O” In Search of the Ultimate Orgasm by Dr Ava Cadell (Founder of Loveology University)

As humans we are always in search of the ultimate orgasm whether it’s with our soul mate, a one night stand, a bottle of booze, or mind altering drugs. It is our second basic instinct after self-preservation. So why are we seeking that euphoric, mind-blowing, earth shattering, energy melting orgasm? We seek to lose that part of ourselves which connects to the everyday and mundane, and for a brief moment of eternity reach out and feel the all-embracing Karma, the essence of the universe, making, for that one brief moment, our tiny insignificant essence part of a much greater supreme whole. Perhaps therefore, the “ultimate orgasm” is our shorthand for losing the pain and hassle of being human, and seeking to transcend the fleshly prison for one brief instant in which we can float ethereally like gods.

Choose Your Orgasm

There are many different kinds of orgasm that you can experience from stimulation of different parts of your body. Each one will create different kinds of feelings ranging from quick, short, localized, deep, concentrated, to full body orgasms. This is your opportunity to experiment with as many different kinds of orgasm as you can. Remember that orgasm is good for your health so it’s doctors’ orders!

A UniGasm

This is an orgasm where stimulation is directed to one primary erogenous zone such as the penis, prostate, testicles, clitoris, G-spot, anus, or nipples. Nipple stimulation for men and women can produce an orgasm, though it’s not as common as some of the other erogenous zones. For women, having their breasts caressed and nipples sucked releases Oxytocin, the chemical that makes them feel like they are in love. Masters and Johnson discovered that one percent of women were able to achieve orgasm from breast stimulation alone. This is an area that many men enjoy stimulating during foreplay, but rarely think of as having orgasmic potential. To give memorable oral sex on her breasts and nipples you need to understand that the size of her breasts have nothing to do with the sensitivity. Ask her if she gets turned on by having her breasts played with. If so, then follow these directions. Begin by caressing and licking both of her breasts, not just her nipples. Alternate each one as you use the flat of your tongue in lapping motions all around her breasts covering every centimeter. Follow your tongue with light fingertip caresses, leaving her nipples until last. When both breasts are suitably wet from your tongue, cup your hand over one breast at a time so that the tip of her nipple rests in between your thumb and your index finger. Squeeze the fingers together so that you raise her nipple slightly, and then begin licking it with the tip of your tongue in circular motions. After about a dozen licks or so, pucker your lips around the nipple and suck gently but firmly; let your head bob up and down simultaneously. To enhance oral nipple sensation, put an ice cube in your mouth while lavishing her orally. Don’t forget to give equal attention to both breasts and nipples. When she is climaxing do not stop or change what you are doing. Let her push you away when she is ready.

For male nipple stimulation, the directions are pretty much the same, except men are more interested in having immediate nipple contact with deeper vacuum sucking motions from the woman- not so much teasing around the nipple area. Some men enjoy having their nipples nibbled on. So ladies, it’s up to you to find out how much pain or pleasure your man wants on his nipples. Some men have one nipple that is more sensitive than the other. While you suck on one, you can pinch the other one and then ask him which one feels most erotic. You could be the first one to introduce him to a UniGasm through his nipples. Now that’s what I call creating a lasting mammary, (I mean memory)!

A BiGasm

Many people are experienced with various forms of dual stimulation—a penis and a tongue, a vagina and a tongue a finger and a tongue, and various other combinations. Here are some ideal ways to create two points of stimulation at the same time.

This will be more intense than a UniGasm so it’s worth exploring. It can be licking his testicles while masturbating his penis, sucking on her clitoris while penetrating her anus with a finger (preferably covered with a finger cot), sucking his penis while massaging the testicles, licking her perineum while fingering her vagina, and lets not forget good old fashioned penetration too. Have fun experimenting with different combinations on your lover’s body. Ask for feedback so that you know which combinations are most exciting for you both.

The TriGasm for Her

So, here’s the revolution, the ultimate orgasm—TriGasm. A female TriGasm is the result of arousing 3 points of pleasure, the clitoris, G-spot, and anus simultaneously. Here are some tips for you and your partner as you go off on your TriGasm exploration.

The TriGasm for Him

The TriGasm for Men is also the result of stimulating 3 points of pleasure, the penis, the testicles and the anus simultaneously.

Blended Orgasm

A blended orgasm is much like the BiGasm with a little twist. The intention for the blended orgasm is to make it last much longer by teasing your lover and stimulating one primary erogenous zone, then teasing another, then going back to the first and so on. Start by choosing your favorite orgasm technique (such as oral stimulation on the clitoris for a woman and oral stimulation on the penis for a guy). Get aroused to a level 6 on your pleasure scale, and then switch to another orgasm technique you enjoy (such as G-spot for a woman and prostate for a guy) and get aroused to a level 7 this time. Switch back to the first technique, raise your arousal level to 8 and then back to the second technique at least three times before reaching a level 10 on your orgasm scale.

This orgasm technique is a wonderful way to monitor your pleasure scale and is most beneficial for men who suffer from premature ejaculation. Whenever they feel like they are about to reach their orgasm, they move their attention to another erogenous zone to distract the point of no return action.

Mind over Body Orgasm

Since the brain is the most erotic organ in the body, it should be no surprise that you can think your way to orgasm. Sexual thoughts can activate the brain just like sexual touching does. If you’ve ever enjoyed looking at porn, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Visuals of people having sex can automatically trigger your body into a state of arousal, making women wet and giving men erections. If you continued to watch erotica without touching yourself, you could still experience a full-blown orgasm. Even if you’re not into porn, you can achieve a mind over body orgasm by tapping into all of your five senses. To begin, wet your genitals with your own saliva or some lubricant, and then using only your imagination, think about what your lover’s tongue would feel like between your legs; what he or she smells like when fully aroused; visualize what they look like naked; imagine touching, kissing, licking and tasting his or her body. Hear them moaning with pleasure. Become aware of your own feelings as you let your excitement build. The trick here is not to touch yourself, but to let the ebb and flow of your orgasm take you on a mental journey to sexual ecstasy. This can also be fun to do with a partner as a safe sex activity.

• Orgasm enables us to surrender complete control
• Orgasm is the best form of escape from reality
• Orgasm is the most natural high
• Orgasm is wired to our brain, not between our legs
• Orgasm gives us indisputable confidence
• Orgasm teaches us to accept who we are
• Orgasm satisfies us physically
• Orgasm satisfies us emotionally
• Orgasm can be a spiritual experience
• Orgasm is addictive
• Orgasm cannot be hurried or pushed by anyone
• Orgasm can unite two lovers into one

If you have never experienced an orgasm you may be suffering from gynecological, hormonal, or even neurological disorders, but more commonly you could have a psychological block such as:

• Traumatic past sexual experience
• Fear of losing control of yourself
• Resentment towards your partner
• Feeling guilty about sex
• Fear of pregnancy
• Fear of intimacy
• Fear of failure
• Fear of rejection
• Ignorance about your bodies responses
• Lack of stimulation
• Low self-esteem and self-worth
• Being too inhibited
• Poor communication
• Unrealistic expectations

This article is posted here – https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/LUPages/TheBigO.aspx?a_aid=litekepr

This is only the beginning to learn More About Orgasms -

To learn much more about am online course from Dr Ava about all elements of Orgasm that is offered through Loveology University – visit this page – http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/ShortCourseDetails.aspx?CourseID=9. This is a course that you can take in your own home.

Flirting is a favorite activity of many men and women. But how good are you at reading his or her body language when they are flirting? Their words may say “yes” but their body language says “no”.

Flirting body language is complicated to understand and is often misinterpreted. Men flirt in different ways compared to women. How can you tell if someone is flirting with you? Does she like me? Is he interested in me? Read on for facts and tips to understand flirting signals.

Flirting Men

There are five standard body signals that indicate a man is flirting: eye contact, raising the eyebrows, giving the masculine impression, touching self, and leaning towards

by Zeitfixierer under CC BY-SA  with wpseopix.com

Body Language by Men

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you.

The first sign of attraction a man gives is catching your eye. If he moves on to watch another person and doesn’t look back at you, it means that he is not interested. If he glimpses at you, looks away, and then back at you again, it is a very clear indication he is attracted to you. Sometimes, eye contact doesn’t mean anything. But, if it lasts longer, it means something is running through his mind – you. The second signal, raising the eyebrow is not a very strong indication and most of the time it is done unconsciously. It often means that he finds you interesting or sexy.

The third flirting sign is that a man squares his shoulders and tries to stand tall and straight. When sitting, his feet and legs are apart. A man also tends to hook his thumbs over his belt or through his belt loop. These actions show his masculinity, with hopes that he would acquire admiration from you.

Lastly, a man who is attracted to you tries to get closer to you or lean his body towards you. This can be done intentionally or unconsciously.

Flirting Women

Research shows that women give body language signals five to six times more than men. Women give many signs they are flirting and these are easy to spot. The most common action is preening. A woman tends to play, stroke or comb her hair and sometimes toss it over her shoulder. A strong flirting preening action is when a woman uses her lips in her flirting. Licking the lips, eating slowly, drinking with poise while having eye contact, and putting on lipstick can easily seduce a man.

Slowly crossing or stroking the legs is a clear intentional flirting action by women. She may tend to adjust her clothes to expose more skin. Playing with an object, like a glass, can be a sign she likes you. But make sure she is looking at you while doing it, otherwise it means she is not interested.

“I like You”

The general signs saying that he or she is interested in you include; smiling, longer eye contact, preening, licking the lips, raising the eyebrows, playing with the hair, looking away and then back again, leaning toward you, head slightly tilted, mirroring your actions, good posture, frequent nodding, laughing, and many more. If you spot these signs, its a great time to take the next step.

“I’m Really Not Interested”

How would you know if that quick glance did not mean anything and a connection is not happening? Watch out for these body language signals; looking away and not looking back, looking at other people, slouching, sighing loudly, passive expression, playing with an object without looking at you while you talk, dull eyes, crossing the arms, and the like.

Body language can be a strong reinforcement of messages especially during flirting, seduction, and dating. Each person has different ways to express their desires, but most of these actions have general meanings that are easy to decipher and learn. Use the tips above to get started and with practice you will become a body language expert.

Among the many emotions that man was destined to experience, it seems that love could be the best. No wonder many people want to find their own true love, hope to be happy and live a life that is full of contentment and satisfaction in spite of the many trials life has to offer.

According to some surveys, most of the people want to marry some day, the desire to marry is why they are willing to go out on dates. In the U.S. alone, nearly 53% said they have dated more than one person at the same time.

However, the concept boils down to the fact that even if dating seems to be the ideal ways to start to develop a great relationship founded on true love, it cannot be concluded that the activity is relatively easy.

Let’s start with the idea of getting a girl. Many boys are having a hard time finding the best strategy to get girls. This is because many boys have fears, especially the fear of rejection.

So for those guys who want to know how to get a girl and ask her on a date, here are five ways tips that will help you get one and have fun:

1. Develop a dazzling personality

According to some statistical reports, almost 30% of the adult population in the U.S. who are engaged into dating activities stated that the most important attribute they are looking for in a guy is his personality. That is why most girls insist his looks are not that important, because his personality is important.

If you really want to succeed in getting a girl, develop the impression that you have the best personality in the world. This can be projected through your sense of humor, confidence, and the way you carry the conversation with wit. The best way to develop that impression – is to actually take the time and effort to develop the personality, it will help you attract the girl and likely make you much happier.

2. Be cool

The key to getting a girl would be to avoid projecting an air of desperation. Even if you have not dated a girl yet, try to be cool and create an impression that you want to get the girl because you like her and not because you are in desperate need of a partner.

3. Be ready for rejections

The problem with most people, especially guys, is that their dating and relationship expectations are too high. Almost 62% of people who date have admitted that people’s probabilities and expectations are very high these days.

So, it is necessary for people to learn to face rejections, especially men, so that getting girls would be easier. Keep in mind that girls can still say no even if you have the best car, good looks, and dazzling personality.

In the cases where you were not able to get the girl you want, try to reflect on what might have caused her to reject you. As the cliché says – there are other fish in the sea. In other words, there are other girls out there and evidently the girls that turned you down, weren’t right for you.

4. Consider Why She Said “No”

There are many cases where a girl might say “no” for two possible reasons: one is that she does not like you, and the second reason is that she wants to go out with you but not tonight. These are two different situations that you need to clearly understand.

The problem with some guys is that they take it personally when they receive some forms of rejections. So it is better to analyze the situation and the intention behind her “NO.”

5. Be casual

The best way to get a girl is to make her feel that the date would be very casual and would not involve conventional date things or anything that would imply romantic involvement.

What matters most is for the girl to enjoy her time with you. Then if you find that the first date turns into a good relationship in the future, the memory of your first date should have been vested on good recall.

The bottom line is that guys should never make the girls feel pressured into saying “yes” every time they are being asked to go out. On a final note – make sure she will be comfortable and would feel that she will be in good hands.

These are a few of the keys to successfully getting the girl to go on a date. If you are interested in learning much more about getting ready for a successful relationship and learning to date and truly connect with a potential partner – you may want to work with a relationship and dating coach. Feel free to learn more in my ebook – Make it Happen! Discover More Love and Passion – download your free copy today.

For my initial thoughts about maintaining self-love during heartbreak and a crisis, you can find the introduction in this post — http://lovecoachjourney.com/1462/maintain-improve-love-yourself/

Remove myself from the negativity that is causing me grief. This is not always possible to do for extended periods of time as we may live or work with the cause of our heartache. But most of us can find a few moments each day to either be alone or with people who lift us up. After all most of us would rather be alone than with people who depress us.

Keep Busy. When I need to work through an issue I keep my hands busy with constructive mindless projects… cleaning out my closet, purging old clothes, rearranging my furniture or garage, gardening, baking, reading, working out, cleaning my truck, what ever it is that we can do that allows us to still think about the issue without losing our minds from idleness. This allows my mind to work through the issue and I am being progressive and distracted enough to allow my subconscious to work on the issue as I am aware that my subconscious will eventually bring the solution to my conscious state of thinking. I know getting off the couch or out of bed to do anything when we feel so heavy is almost impossible but you must get up and keep moving, doing something positive even if it only one little project per day!

Speak Positively. “I will be ok. I will get through this. Time will take care of me.

I am worthy, I just have to keep moving, keep busy.” Tell yourself, “what has happened to me is the door to a better life but I just cannot open that door yet because I am still refusing to believe it has happened and I still hurt, but I will get there, I will open that new door and allow a new way of life to present itself.”

Also we have to consciously and physically do things that will speed up the process of getting back to “normal.”

Eat or stop eating, which ever one you tend to do when you are suffering. I don’t eat which weakens the brain and body making me unable to function making my brain and body weak and I think the worst insecure thoughts when I don’t feed myself, plus I have no strength to get up. I make a conscious effort now to eat something, especially in the morning making sure my brain is fed and I think healthier thoughts with more energy.

Over eating not only adds fat to our body that we do not need, it feeds our brain with guilt and shame adding to the already self loathing we may be feeling, put the fork down and go for a walk!

Do not consume alcohol to mask the pain or do drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor. Alcohol is a depressant and will only magnify your sorrow and pathetic is what you become. Drugs will mask your pain for a minute but as soon as you sober up…the pain will have intensified because of the guilt associated with the alcohol and drug use and the vicious cycle of abuse begins. Soon you will find yourself so far down the depression chart you have no idea how to climb back up…but you can…put the bottle down and throw the drugs away…they are for happier times of celebration, which you will have and that glass of wine will taste so much sweeter.

Do not e-mail, pick up the phone to make calls or text to the person who has caused your heartache, especially if you have been drinking or doing drugs, you will only make yourself feel and appear pathetic and needy…pathetic and needy is a gross feeling which contributes to our low self esteem and we want to feel proud of our selves for getting past the moments of wanting to make contact. As each day goes by the prouder you will feel.

Do not to stay in bed or on the couch. Get up, shower, and get dressed. This will make you feel and look better to yourself. And there is no one but you who deserves to feel and look good for.

Avoid negativity. Stay close to people who lift you up! I know it is almost impossible to avoid all negativity but do your best to move away from it when you recognize it. Negative words, personalities and generally people who are always finding the worst about every situation and talking about our sorrow in a negative demeaning way only prolongs our agony….get away from them!

Talk. Don’t keep all the anxiety inside allowing it to build up, speak with at least one person who will listen, truly listen to you. It does not have to be a professional, not every one can afford professional therapy. Find that one person you can trust to tell your feelings to that is not the person who has contributed to your pain. This kind of release will help put your scattered mind back in some order. If you have no one to speak with there are community counsellors who will listen…find someone, do not try to do this by yourself, let someone know what is happening to you. I had two people who are not in my town but I call them as soon as I feel myself slipping back to being sad, they remind me of the good things in my life.

Sleep. We all need to sleep but no matter how tired our bodies are, when our minds won’t shut down sleep becomes elusive, making us more weak and vulnerable and susceptible to dis-ease. We repair our bodies and mind when we sleep. It is so easy to get our sleep patterns confused when we are suffering. Try to get up early and stay up until a reasonable time to go back to bed. Get physical to tire yourself out; this helps with the mind too! Get up when you wake up, even if it is in the middle of the night because staying in bed when you are awake allows your mind to depress you more. Get up and do something constructive, such as read a book, a craft or hobby that preoccupies your hands and mind until you are tired again.

The love we develop for ourselves. Soon you will find that time has passed and the pain has eased. The moment you realize you have turned a corner and are not so depressed or filled with anxiety, that is the moment we wish we could bottle to use in the future. Unfortunately we cannot bottle our level emotions and please understand that a smell, a photo, a name on a street sign post, an old sweater or movie will trigger memories but because we have done everything we can for ourselves to become strong again, we do not fall as far as we once did. We have developed a love for our life that was not there before the heartache and the feelings we once had of unworthiness and self loathing disappear. Today it amazes me how I want to be thankful for the heartache…I would never have developed this strength without going through it.

Continue to focus only on the positive aspects of your life, let the negative move through you without affecting you; it will pass, you will be strong and proud of yourself again….I promise!

For more information about Unfinished by Suzanne Gravelle, visit http://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Suzanne-Gravelle/dp/192700506X and you can follow her journey on her blog – http://ontourwithsuzanne.blogspot.com.

When we are suffering a heartache, regardless of what has caused it, our minds tend to be ruled by our heart. Although we may have experienced many emotional crises in our life, each new crisis feels like the first time as each new heartache is brand new to us, we have not done this one before, it is a first. Emotions we never experienced before race through our bodies making us weak and vulnerable. We feel as if we will not make it through the day let alone the next few minutes without breaking down.

There are many stages of we must go through before we can start to accept our heart aches and move on from it and unfortunately we have no choice but to endure each stage.  These stages range from very low to extreme highs. It would be fantastic if we were able to control our emotions and skip right to recovery….but if we could do this we would not gain the wisdom or the new found strength and love we find for our selves that comes with surviving the trauma we are going through.

We swing through the emotions when they first come upon us, first we feel them, then the tears start to fall, then we start telling our selves to stop, and the next thing we know we are in a full blown emotional breakdown and we cannot, no matter how hard we try to convince our selves, we cannot stop the wave of unbelievable sadness that is moving through us.

To me, the worst parts are the self doubts and fearful feelings I cannot control.

“What’s wrong with me? What did I do? What could I have done differently to prevent this from happening?” Just a few questions we ask ourselves and the first one… “What’s wrong with me?” is the one that I had to address first.

“There is nothing wrong with me,” that is the answer. But why couldn’t I control the situation and prevent the crisis from happening? Because…we are only in control of ourselves. We make conscious decisions everyday that affect us and those we love and most of us believe they are the right decisions. When someone else is making decisions that affect us in an adverse way it is out of our control, we can only respond to their decisions and when we are in disbelief that this has happened to us it is difficult to take the steps to move on….but we must if we ever want to truly laugh again.

I felt insecure, not worthy, I devalued myself because of someone else’s decisions and I had to find a way to bring myself back to a place where I felt worthy and find a way to pick my self esteem up off the floor. This was not easy because I was emotionally beat up and bruised, but I was determined because deep down…I knew I was worth it!

So this is what I have done to help myself and continue to do.

In the next post, I’ll share my favorite tips…. here, http://lovecoachjourney.com/1468/maintain-improve-love-for-yourself/

For more information about Unfinished by Suzanne Gravelle, visit http://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Suzanne-Gravelle/dp/192700506X and you can follow her journey on her blog – http://ontourwithsuzanne.blogspot.com.